PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME
Me: *out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
Random Old Lady: *comes up out of no where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
ROL: Isn't he a little old for you?
Me: Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that you're a judgmental hag.
Dad: *chokes into his drink*
ROL: You should respect your elders.
Me: You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
Dad: *chokes on his drink again*
ROL: *storms off*
Dad: *looks at me with a disapproving look*
Dad: Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.
when you accidentally start watching a crime show and can’t get yourself to switch the channel because now you wanna know who fucking did it
other artists: lemme hear ya!
ed sheeran: now this is only going to work if you stay quiet
ed sheeran: *begins singing*
ed sheeran: now what did i say can you please shut the fuck up